How To Deal With Social Anxiety After A Year of Social Distancing
For those with social anxiety, going into lockdown may have been more tolerable than it was for others. After all, a lack of social situations equals a lack of social anxiety. But more and more people are getting vaccinated and the world is starting to reopen once again, bringing back socialization and the anxiety that comes with it.
According to the American Psychological Association, social anxiety is defined as “fear of social situations in which embarrassment may occur (e.g., making conversation, meeting strangers, dating) or there is a risk of being negatively evaluated by others (e.g., seen as stupid, weak, or anxious).” Since COVID began, some preliminary studies have already been conducted in which researchers have determined that the lockdown, social distancing, and even requirements to wear masks or face coverings in public, which have afforded a certain amount of avoidance of social situations, may have contributed to the maintenance of social anxiety. When individuals with social anxiety are forced to confront socializing after a prolonged period of not having to socialize, the anxiety symptoms may actually be worse than before.
This has been a common problem for many people and, fortunately, there are ways to cope with and manage social anxiety symptoms that range from addressing the acute symptoms to exploring the root of the anxiety.
1. Curiosity is the best antidote to anxiety..
Rather than fighting against your anxiety, get curious about what feelings are attached to that anxiety so you can address the root of the issue. In many cases, our earlier childhood attachments and experiences give birth to social anxiety. For example, in social situations, perhaps you worry that you are being judged by others. Were there earlier times in your life that you may have felt judged by others? What were some messages you may have received from your parents or other significant figures in your life about how you, or other people, should be judged? Understanding where the feelings stem from can help you gain mastery over them and remind you that the feelings you have now may not be based in the present-day reality, but rather be misplaced feelings that come from an earlier time.
2. Understanding your anxiety triggers.
Learning to identify your personal triggers can help you better cope with your anxiety. Think about times where you felt particularly anxious or symptomatic and. explore what was going on for you in that moment that may have set you off (i.e., the trigger). Triggers can be anything that provokes a strong emotional response, and sometimes they can be hard to identify, especially from inside the problem. It is important to pinpoint and name your triggers so that you can be more aware of what sparks that anxiety in order to avoid it or actively desensitize yourself to it in the future.
3. Find a safe space to try stepping outside of your comfort zone.
Therapy can provide a safe and comfortable environment to challenge your fears and step outside of your comfort zone with someone you trust. Let’s say that you are worried about having a panic attack in public, and how people may react or treat you because of it. Therapy is a great place to game it out — what if you had a panic attack in public? What would you do to calm yourself down? Who would you tell, and how would you say it? Therapy can help you be more prepared for a difficult situation, so that on the off chance it does occur, you feel confident in your ability to handle it.
There are many other ways to tackle social anxiety, and there are licensed professionals out there to help you. To learn more about how you can overcome and build more confidence in social situations, book a free consultation with one of our therapists.
Surprising Habits of Couples in Healthy Relationships
“Who is happy makes others happy too”
— Anna Freud
While the need for human connection is innate, the ability to build a healthy relationship is a learned skill.
Couples that survive and thrive make it their business to establish habits that foster growth, individually and together, throughout the relationship. Surprisingly, some of these habits may at first look toxic, but on closer examination they can lay a foundation for closeness, intimacy, and shared understanding between partners.
Fighting can be useful
Tackling difficult conversations, and even fighting, is normal for couples in healthy relationships. Rather than avoiding difficult conversations, these couples enter the conversation by assuming they will stay within the boundaries of respect and compassion for one another. In this way, even fighting can lead to growth rather than more turbulence or the end of a relationship.
Spending time apart
Giving each other some space and time apart from one another is healthy for couples. Brief periods apart give each person time to maintain and develop their individual identity and gain a better appreciation for what the relationship offers and means to them.
Setting boundaries
Healthy boundaries can help rather than hinder a relationship. Boundaries that encourage sensitivity to one another around issues as varied as sex, to how you speak to one another, are good—as long as they do not come from a desire to manipulate or control the other person. By setting boundaries you encourage each other to trust that what is important to you will be heard in an affirming way. This also suggests that all topics are on the table for discussion even those that in the moment may seem difficult to raise.
Focusing on the self
Letting go of old beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that have been dysfunctional in the past is crucial for healthy relationships in the future. If you do not leave them behind, they will continue to resurface. Couples who grow together know that doing individual therapeutic work to process their past relationships and unhook from old dysfunctional patterns is key to enhancing their relationship with their current partner. Focusing on the self and gaining insight into one’s strengths and weaknesses can be beneficial for both partners.
Couples in healthy relationships are willing to put in the work needed to make them work.
The Talk Suite is a full-service psychotherapy practice in NYC. Our clinicians have training in a wide range of specialties, including partner communication skills, couples counseling, and marriage counseling. Sessions are held in our Chelsea office, or via Zoom/teletherapy. To learn more, schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation, or contact us directly at explore@thetalksuite.com
COVID, the Capitol, and the Psychological Trauma
The country, and the world, has been living in a state of perpetual trauma for the last 12 months. COVID, racial injustice, and political unrest, among other things, have taken a toll on our mental health and created a collective trauma that we’ve all been dealing with — separately and together. Now people are starting to get vaccinated; we’ve had a change in White House administration; but mentally we’re not in the clear yet.
You might be thinking, “isn’t trauma a unique occurence? How can it be trauma if we’re ALL experiencing it at once? Isn’t that just ‘life’?” Well, let’s see: The American Psychological Association defines trauma as “any disturbing experience that results in significant fear, helplessness, dissociation, confusion, or other disruptive feelings intense enough to have a long-lasting negative effect on a person’s attitudes, behavior, and other aspects of functioning.” There’s no reason that this couldn’t happen to a large group of us all at the same time. It’s happening right now.
“After the pandemic ends, the effects of the mass trauma it has inflicted will linger across societies for years,” writes BBC mental health reporter Ed Prideaux. We’ve seen this before with collective traumas like genocide, natural disasters, and experiences of war. The effects of trauma can be devastating to our minds and bodies, which is why it’s more important than ever to take care of your mental health.
Don’t ‘Just Forget About It’
There’s nothing more that many of us would like to do than just fast-forward in time and forget this whole year ever happened, but trying to forget — as nice as it sounds — can actually be detrimental to the present and the future. Think of the 1918 flu pandemic, which happened barely more than 100 years ago and claimed at least 50 million lives worldwide, and yet feels like a distant memory. Many even refer to that pandemic as “the forgotten flu” for how quickly it faded from public memory. There are important things we can learn and carry from our experiences, even negative ones.
Process Your Experience
The act of processing trauma is crucial to healing, but it must be done so in a way that doesn’t risk retraumatizing the person or people who have gone through the trauma. Feeling safe and comfortable talking about your experiences is the first step to quelling the effects of trauma, which includes (but isn’t limited to) ongoing anxiety, hypervigilance, depression, loneliness, numbness, and anger. Find a trained professional who makes you feel heard and understood and who gives you the time and space to explore your feelings around the traumatic experience.
The Talk Suite is a full-service psychotherapy practice in NYC. Our clinicians offer a variety of techniques and therapy models to treat post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Through self-reflection, exploration and the use of the relationship between the client and the therapist, we provide a collaborative process in a safe and compassionate environment where clients can mitigate the impact of trauma. Sessions are held in our Chelsea office, or via Zoom/teletherapy. To learn more, schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation, or contact us directly at explore@thetalksuite.com.
Post-Quarantine Anxiety: Five Tips for Handling Uncertainty
Even though we’re finally out of the dark and haunted woods that was 2020, many of us are still anxious about what’s coming next. The United States is getting a new presidential administration, but will we see meaningful political change? There are not one, but two COVID vaccines available now, but will it end the pandemic and get us back to normal?
Maybe, but maybe not. “Normal,” like 2020, is something that we will have to put behind us. What is more important to focus on is a new normal. It may be very different, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t adapt to, and even find enjoyment in, the next chapter. This is easier said than done for some of us, but there are ways to make managing anxiety of an unknown future a little bit easier.
1. Take it one moment at a time
When you can’t see two feet in front of you, go just one foot at a time. Go half a foot, if you have to — you only know what you know, so start there. Take slow, deep breaths along the way. Once you have a better idea of what’s ahead, you’ll be better informed to keep taking the next step, and the next, and the next.
2. Question your anxiety
When fear of the unknown sets in, question the anxiety itself. What is it doing for you to feel anxious about something that you don’t yet know? How is the feeling serving you? Is it helping you feel better, or is it actually not worth it to worry about something that hasn’t happened yet? If it’s the latter, then it will be easier to check yourself the next time you feel the anxiety coming on.
3. Plan for the worst but hope for the best
If setting aside the anxiety doesn’t feel attainable, then lean into it. In the midst of the unknown, what would the worst-case scenario likely be? How would you handle it? People who identify as planners may feel some comfort in knowing what they would do in the event that their fears come true. At least then there’s a plan in place. Make sure you keep in mind, however, that the worst-case scenario is usually the most unlikely — so you can keep your hopes up while feeling secure that you are prepared for anything.
4. Remember your resilience
Chances are you’ve faced uncertainty like this before. Perhaps you failed an exam, were laid off from a job, got dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend, lost a family member or friend — and here you are, still standing. Even if it took you a while to get back on your feet, you did make it. Reminding yourself of your ability to be resilient and overcome adversity can provide you with reassurance that you can, and will, do it again.
5. Practice mindfulness
Living in the moment is key if we want to prevent anxiety from becoming all-consuming. Pay attention to the things you do and the decisions you make, and make them with intentionality. You’re getting through the present, and you will get through the future.
The Talk Suite is a full-service psychotherapy practice in NYC. Our clinicians offer a variety of techniques and therapy models to treat stress and anxiety, and support major life transitions: including, psychoanalytic psychotherapy, insight-oriented psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR and mindfulness. Sessions are held in our Chelsea office, or via Zoom/teletherapy. To learn more, schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation, or contact us directly at explore@thetalksuite.com.
Juggling Work and Family Life During the Pandemic
It is not clear what kind of “new normal” will emerge or when we will see the end of Covid-19, but we do know that every institution will be impacted by this epidemic—especially the relationship between work and family life.
While the data on this pandemic is still being collected and analyzed, there is little doubt about the mental and behavioral outcomes of natural and human-made disasters, as is reported in medical and mental health journals. According to data from those journals, a suspension of usual day-to-day practices, social isolation and social distancing can result in widespread increases in anxiety and depression, substance abuse, loneliness, domestic violence, child abuse and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We also know, as the experts maintain, that early intervention and support are critical for a safe and healthy “new” normal.
When your world is turned upside down both professionally and personally
A crisis of this magnitude can disrupt every aspect of your daily life, from the ways in which you and your spouse are expected to do your jobs, to the timing of the work week within the household, and the ways in which children are schooled and cared for. As of yet, there are few norms to guide you.
For many working wives and mothers, much of their ability to balance work and life was dependent on a multitude of services brought into the home, and on help from their partners in domestic and childcare activities. When the division of labor in families is profoundly shaken and social isolation takes place, families are left to put it back together on their own.
Additionally, when the social services necessary to accommodate dual-career families break down, when a job requires learning new skills to adapt to remote work, and when those in corporate structures find hours added to their workday, the flexibility needed to care for children, shop, cook and clean is all but gone.
As recent studies tell us, we know that irrespective of their work status, the major share of childcare, falls primarily on women, who have taken on an additional homeschooling role during the pandemic. Online schooling requires a great deal of oversight. For instance, when young children are given an assignment worth three hours of curriculum, it can take a full day to complete, especially if the child is not proficient at the keypad or the technology needed to complete the assignment.
While balancing work and family has always been challenging, doing so without our usual supports and without any guidelines is even more so. The uncertainty about the future, if we will have jobs and what they will look like, and the possible long-term effects on ourselves, our spouses, our children, our communities, and our country are overwhelming.
Resources to help you get through this
Connect with social support: Now is the time to turn to each other. Support can take the form of tangible tasks, like taking turns with a friend or neighbor supervising childrens’ remote learning—within health and safety guidelines. Support can also be emotional, such as simply sharing highs and lows with a trusted friend.
Take care of your emotional health: Taking care of your emotional health will help you think clearly and react to your family’s needs. If stress gets in the way of your daily activities, connect with a licensed therapist. Therapists can help you navigate the ups and downs of quarantine, suggest strategies for managing it all, and provide an hour of space each week just for you.
The Talk Suite is a full-service psychotherapy practice in NYC. Our clinicians have training in a wide range of specialties, including stress management, work-life balance, partner communication skills, marriage counseling, and parenting skills. Sessions are held in our Chelsea office, or via Zoom/teletherapy. To learn more, schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation, or contact us directly at explore@thetalksuite.com.
How to Take Care of Your Mental Health During the Pandemic
It’s been nearly nine months since the start of the COVID pandemic, and it seems that the longer it continues, the more apparent it’s becoming that many people are struggling with their mental health.
“Disasters and public health emergencies, such as the one we are living through right now, can lead to significant disruptions and stress,” Dr. Ariadna Forray, a Yale University psychiatrist told the Yale Medicine blog. “The COVID-19 pandemic presents an ongoing disruption to our everyday lives that has significant implications to our psychological wellbeing.”
According to a survey conducted by the National Center for Health Statistics and the Census Bureau, more than 30% of Americans report symptoms of clinical depression or anxiety since the start of COVID, compared to 11% of Americans the same time last year. That’s a huge increase, which can lead not just to feelings of sadness or fear, but also changes in sleeping or eating habits, new or worsening chronic health conditions, and increased use of substances like tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs.
So what do we do about this? The best way to address these concerns is to be direct and proactive. Here are five ways to take care of your mental health during the pandemic:
Limit Media Consumption
Being bombarded by messaging from the news and social media can sometimes take a toll on your mental health and can create more anxiety about COVID. While it’s important to stay informed, try to keep media exposure to a minimum -- say, only for an hour in the morning, for example -- if you know it might be triggering.
Practice Mindfulness
Stay grounded in your body in order to get out of your head. Try meditating (there are some great free apps and videos on YouTube to help get you started!), do some yoga, or keep a journal of your thoughts and feelings. Anything to keep you mindful and present.
Take care of your body
Taking care of your body is important regardless of whether there’s a pandemic, but during one -- and especially if you’re struggling with your mental health -- it’s more crucial than ever to keep up with your physical health. Be sure to get a moderate amount of exercise, get at least seven hours of sleep, eat nutritious meals, and of course, wear a mask and wash your hands.
Socialize (Safely)
According to the Mayo Clinic, “socializing not only staves off feelings of loneliness, but also it helps sharpen memory and cognitive skills, increases your sense of happiness and well-being, and may even help you live longer.” During COVID, be safe about socializing -- see friends and family outdoors whenever possible and keep a social distance from each other. Wear a mask, and refrain from excessive physical contact. Or see them virtually via FaceTime or Zoom meeting.
Get Professional Help
We’re here to help. The Talk Suite Psychotherapy is a full-service therapy practice, providing professional mental health treatment and counseling in NYC. Our clinicians offer a variety of techniques and therapy models: including, psychoanalytic psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR and mindfulness. If you’re worried about your mental health or stress, you don’t have to struggle alone. Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation, or contact us directly at explore@thetalksuite.com, 917-261-6765.
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or chat with a trained crisis counselor on their website at suicidepreventionlifeline.org.