Surprising Habits of Couples in Healthy Relationships

“Who is happy makes others happy too”

— Anna Freud

While the need for human connection is innate, the ability to build a healthy relationship is a learned skill.

Couples that survive and thrive make it their business to establish habits that foster growth, individually and together, throughout the relationship. Surprisingly, some of these habits may at first look toxic, but on closer examination they can lay a foundation for closeness, intimacy, and shared understanding between partners.

Fighting can be useful

Tackling difficult conversations, and even fighting, is normal for couples in healthy relationships. Rather than avoiding difficult conversations, these couples enter the conversation by assuming they will stay within the boundaries of respect and compassion for one another. In this way, even fighting can lead to growth rather than more turbulence or the end of a relationship.

Spending time apart

Giving each other some space and time apart from one another is healthy for couples.  Brief periods apart give each person time to maintain and develop their individual identity and gain a better appreciation for what the relationship offers and means to them.

Setting boundaries

Healthy boundaries can help rather than hinder a relationship. Boundaries that encourage sensitivity to one another around issues as varied as sex, to how you speak to one another, are good—as long as they do not come from a desire to manipulate or control the other person. By setting boundaries you encourage each other to trust that what is important to you will be heard in an affirming way. This also suggests that all topics are on the table for discussion even those that in the moment may seem difficult to raise.  

Focusing on the self

Letting go of old beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that have been dysfunctional in the past is crucial for healthy relationships in the future. If you do not leave them behind, they will continue to resurface. Couples who grow together know that doing individual therapeutic work to process their past relationships and unhook from old dysfunctional patterns is key to enhancing their relationship with their current partner. Focusing on the self and gaining insight into one’s strengths and weaknesses can be beneficial for both partners.      

Couples in healthy relationships are willing to put in the work needed to make them work.

The Talk Suite is a full-service psychotherapy practice in NYC. Our clinicians have training in a wide range of specialties, including partner communication skills, couples counseling, and marriage counseling. Sessions are held in our Chelsea office, or via Zoom/teletherapy. To learn more, schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation, or contact us directly at explore@thetalksuite.com