How to Support Your LGBTQ+ Loved Ones
According to the 2021 Gallup poll, more American adults identify as LGBTQ than ever before — 7.1% to be exact, which is up from 3.5% back when Gallup first ran the survey in 2012. And of adult gen-Zers alone, over 20% reported some form of queer identity.
But in spite of this uptrending data, more than a third of LGBTQ Americans reported facing discrimination in one form or another, according to the Center for American Progress. As queer people, we need to know that we are not out here fending for ourselves — that despite the discrimination that we might face out in the world, we still have the love and support of our families and those close to us. For those of you reading this who are not queer, chances are you have at least one queer-identifying loved one in your life, and here are six ways to show that you support them.
1. Use inclusive language
Without even knowing it, the language we use to address others can be alienating to people of certain gender identities or sexual orientations — and often unnecessarily so. Group terms like “guys,” “girls,” or “ladies,” might inadvertently exclude someone who might not identify in that way (even if they “look” like it). Instead, try using language that doesn’t belong to any gender, like “folks,” “people,” “friends,” or “y’all.” The same applies for individuals: even if you think you know the pronouns that someone uses, ask anyway. Making a habit out of shifting the way you use language to encompass a broader range of identities is supportive to your LGBTQ loved ones and the community as a whole.
2. Don’t interrogate how someone feels
A big part of queerness is the arrival to it. For some, it can take a while to get there, while for others, there may appear to be a more sudden awakening. However the process goes for your loved ones, don’t question it or demand explanation. A queer person does not owe you an explanation or justification of their sexuality or gender expression, and it can be invalidating to expect it. Meet them where they’re at right now, and remind yourself that gender and sexuality is a fluid spectrum, so how they feel may or may not remain that way, and that’s okay.
3. Encourage them to find their community
There are some things that a lot of queer people feel like they can’t talk about with their straight, cisgender friends and family. This might feel hurtful or upsetting but it is not personal. Some things just feel more comfortable, even safer, for queer people to talk about with other queer people. Encourage your LGBTQ loved ones to engage with their community, and let them know that you are available if they need you.
4. Acknowledge when you mess up
Being a supportive friend, relative, or partner to a queer person means acknowledging when you say the wrong thing, and this will happen. Don’t defend yourself, rationalize, or justify the mistake; admit that it was just that — a mistake. Because even mistakes with good intentions can have a harmful impact on the person on the other end. A supportive way to say this might be, “I realize that what I said was hurtful. I’m sorry, and I’m going to do better moving forward.”
5. Give them the freedom to find themselves in their own time
There is no right or wrong way to come out or explore your queer identity, and often the process is not a linear one. Give your LGBTQ loved one the space and freedom to get there on their own and offer your support and encouragement as needed. It’s a delicate balance between being supportive and being invasive, so let them take the lead and tell you what they need and when.
6. Honor their decision to seek affirming sources of support
Just because a queer person decides to see a therapist, attend a support group, or get other sources of affirmation for who they are does not mean that they don’t feel affirmed or supported by you! The more support that LGBTQ folks can get, the better for them as individuals and for the community as a whole. Talk Suite therapists are experienced in addressing issues related to gender and sexuality with patients and are available for support during Pride Month and every month. Setup an appointment today.